The Ultimate Disclaimer
posted in - Humour, - Palmdoc |Adapted from eLegal:
Health is unpredictable and unsafe. The Internet is dangerous. Many blogs have been written about these dangers, and there’s no way we can list them all here. Read the blogs.
The Internet is covered in slippery slopes with loose, slippery and unpredictable footing. There are hidden viruses and worms. You could break your computer. There is wild code, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread malware. These include viruses and worms. E-mail can be poisonous as well. We don’t do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogsphere, ISP’s or other features, natural or otherwise.
Real dangers are present even on the Web. E-commerce is not the mall. It can be, and is, steep, slippery and dangerous. Web features made or enhanced by humans, such as firewalls and spam filters (if any) can break, collapse, or otherwise fail catastrophically at any time. We don’t promise to inspect, supervise or maintain them in any way. They may be negligently constructed or repaired. The web is unsafe, period. Live with it or stay away.
Stay on trusted sites whenever possible. The terrain, in addition to being dangerous, is surprisingly complex. You may get lost. The MOH makes matters worse. Health rules and regulations are everywhere. Be warned.
Ads for things you don’t want and other objectionable content can arrive from nowhere. This can happen naturally, or be caused by people around you that are being used as bots. Spam such as wild promises of penis enlargement, emails pushing viagra and cialis can arrive, or pop-up with no warning. Use of spam filters is advised for anyone approaching the Internet. They can be purchased or rented from us. They won’t save you if you get hit by something big or on a port you left open. A whole DOS attack might collapse on you and squash you like a bug. Don’t think it can’t happen.
Public medical opinion can be dangerous, regardless of the good intent. Be prepared with extra damage control, including healthcare insurance. Ticking off the blogsphere can kill you. The Streisand effect can turn a simple nastygram into a deathtrap.
If you make hasty comments about medical matters (making unsupported comments without sound evidence backed by Randomised Controlled Trials) , often posted quickly and without proper thought , you are making a terrible mistake. Even if you know what you’re doing, lots of things can go wrong and you may be sued for malpractice. It happens all the time.
We do not provide real-life doctors or nurses on this site. The other people on the web, including other visitors, our commentators and guests, and anyone else who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, or otherwise dangerous. They may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly malware and ready to use them. We aren’t necessarily going to do anything about it. We refuse to take responsibility.
If you play doctor, you may become pre-occupied with it. This is true whether you are experienced or not, trained or not, equipped or not, though training and equipment may help. It’s a fact, playing doctor is extremely dangerous. If you don’t like it, play doctor at home. You really shouldn’t be doing it anyway. We do not provide supervision or instruction. We are not responsible for, and do not track how much time you play doctor (although we could if we wanted to.) As far as we know, your employer may find out and send you plunging to unemployment. There are countless tons of loose management staff ready to be dislodged and fall on you or someone else. There are any number of extremely and unusually dangerous conditions existing on and around the Web, and elsewhere on the Internet. We may or may not know about any specific hazard, but even if we do, don’t expect us to try to warn you. You’re on your own.
Emergency services are not provided by us, and may not be available quickly or at all. This site is not covered under the Private Healthcare Facilities Act and is not equipped for or the staff trained in resuscitation. If you are lucky enough to have somebody try to get rid of a virus or find that cure, they may be incompetent or worse. This includes your local medical forum. We assume no responsibility. Also, if you decide to participate in a rescue of some other unfortunate, that’s your choice. Don’t do it unless you are willing to assume all risks.
By entering our site, you are agreeing that we owe you no duty of care or any other duty. We promise you nothing. We do not and will not even try to keep the premises safe for any purpose. The premises are not safe for any purpose. This is no joke. We won’t even try to warn you about any dangerous or hazardous condition, whether we know about it or not. If we do decide to warn you about something, that doesn’t mean we will try to warn you about anything else. If we do make an effort to fix an unsafe condition, we may not try to correct any others, and we may make matters worse! We and our employees or agents may do things that are unwise and dangerous. Sorry, we’re not responsible. We may give you bad advice. Don’t listen to us. In short, ENTER AND USE THIS SITE AT YOUR OWN RISK. And have fun!
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Please note the above is in the humour category so don’t take it seriously 
The real MMR Terms of Use and Disclaimer is indeed a much shorter, saner page. We subscribe to the Health On Net Foundation Code of Conduct btw. Medical sites with the HON logo are generally sites you can trust. There are tons of “health sites” out there – many out to make money selling all sorts of health products, and making all sorts of unsubtantiated claims. Thread carefully.
Last 5 posts by Palmdoc
- Doctors gone wild again - September 1st, 2010
- Tools of the trade XIX - September 1st, 2010
- Feedback: Housemanship - August 31st, 2010
- Merdeka!! - August 31st, 2010
- The things lawyers say - August 18th, 2010
